Dating somebody suffering fear of abandonment
The following material was written for people trying to recover from a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them, and is not intended as a support resourse for Borderlines or anyone with BPD traits.
If you suspect that you have these traits, please leave this website and redirect your attention to iven the hundreds of letters I get from men who desperately "want to help" the Borderline after their troubling affair has ended, I suppose this article's time has finally come.
This type of mother may be hyper-religious, as church-going is often used to provide a rigid container, which her childlike mind requires to teach her how to behave, what to believe, and how to think.
It fills the hole in her soul, helps her feel safer, and assuages the need for independent thought.
In essence, any feeling that is Anyone who has grown up with a BPD waif-type mother has observed a pitiful, long-suffering woman who won't leave her harsh, abusive or neglectful husband, no matter how bitterly she complains about him. Because pain is enlivening for her~ and without it she feels dead inside.
Besides, who could she for her dissatisfaction, depression and emptiness, if she left that relationship??
The Borderline Waif mother typically scapegoats her children for their father's rage and abuse, rather than boldly intervening and protecting them from it, or taking her kids away to safety~ yet she may have held the flame that ignited his anger! Did he return home to a nagging, discontent or depressed wife after slaying dragons and putting out fires all day at work?
Could you have grown up with a distorted/skewed sense of who was actually the more problematic parent?
Don't assume this borderline is always physically thin/slender.
Your altruism might be noble, if it weren't masking sense of emptiness and emotional impotency where she's concerned.
What's unfortunate, is your Ego is in serious need of mending in the aftermath of this relationship, yet much of your attention is still focused on how to make things better for her, help her avoid ruining other men's lives--and needing to think you've made some kind of Even if you've become "really close" with her family members or friends, and you feel an irrepressible need to share with them your newfound knowledge about Borderline Personality traits after countless hours of Internet research you'll only reflex that helps us defend against facing that which we're not ready to confront, and it's there to protect us.
The Queen always has to occupy the one-up position in all her relationships.
If you trigger her core shame, she'll become highly indignant, and immediately deflect these feelings by going on the offensive to shame you.